Jan 02 2018
Happy New Year! With 2017 in the books, now is a good time to reflect on the landmark moments (both good and bad) that made 2017 the year that it was.
• January: My apartment was featured on Apartment Therapy!
• January: Participated in my first ever political march, the Women's March in Oakland.
• February: My parents visited me in San Francisco
• March: Saw the Backstreet Boys (front row tickets) in Las Vegas
• April: Ran the Presidio 10k for the second year, with Nicole
• April: Started blogging regularly
• May: Went on my second tornado tour
• June: Brought Seth to Europe for the first time!
• July: Made a difficult decision about my career that ended a friendship and set me on a path that still remains unknown
• August: Seth and Kim threw me a surprise birthday weekend
• September: Left Google to return to my sweet home Chicago via RV
• October: Started painting again
• November: Watched my cousin marry her better half in St. Louis
• December: Got diagnosed with SIBO, a treatable condition that causes bloating and other yucky digestive symptoms (more to come)
And here we are, three days into the New Year and I'm not really sure how it's going to go, but seeing how much growth happened in 2017, I'm optimistic. Just think, last year on this date, I had no intention to quit Google and move home (the I-need-to-do-something-meaningful revelation didn't happen until February of last year). Insane how much has changed! One of my biggest struggles is thinking. I know, that sounds fucked up. But it's true. I know a lot of people who write intentions for the New Year and I'd like to do the same but mentally, I make a big "thing" of it and resort to small tasks instead of thinking big picture. Because I'm afraid of what I might conjure up. For example, right now instead of writing this post which will clarify my intentions, I want to go do the dishes or check my email. I won't do either, though. I'm here at my desk, committed! HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR!
One of my biggest struggles is thinking. I know, that sounds fucked up. But it's true. I know a lot of people who write intentions for the New Year and I'd like to do the same but mentally, I make a big "thing" of it and resort to small tasks instead of thinking big picture. Because I'm afraid of what I might conjure up. For example, right now instead of writing this post which will clarify my intentions, I want to go do the dishes or check my email. I won't do either, though. I'm here at my desk, committed! HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR!
Intention #1: To earn a living doing something that is true to myself
The urge to make money is getting louder and stronger...which is distracting me from the uncomfortable growing pains that I'm experiencing. Doing my finances is really hard each month because I am paying myself out of savings, and every month I watch the number go down knowing I won't be replenishing it any time soon. It goes against every instinct I have. I suppose I'd be okay using the money to buy a house or something normal like that – but using it to live on seems wrong and unjustified. It's a real struggle that I combat every day, from the moment I wake up. My instinct is just slightly stronger than my fears and I know it will lead to something, hence why I'm still here, doing it.
Intention #2: To trust my intuition at all times
Whether it is "this is easy money but the work sucks," or "damn, this person is shitty, I don't want anything to do with them"...that inner voice inside is usually right and I struggle with listening to it. The voice has been buried for many years but I've recently started listening through the help of therapy, reiki and meditation. I want to continue this journey.
Intention #3: To live a healthy life!
I recently found out that I have small intestinal bacteria overgrowth (SIBO) which explains my perpetual bloating and gas no matter what I eat or how hard I work out. Treatment is about three months and requires a special diet and many different herbal supplements. I hope to continue healthy eating habits far past those three months and develop them into a lifestyle. I also want to practice yoga and meditation regularly, which will contribute to intentions #2 and #3.
Intention #4: To work on being my biggest fan
Right now, I'm my biggest enemy. I talk shit to myself about not working, being bloated, staying home all day...you name it. On days when I get a little depressed, well, those days I'm the meanest. I want to take each day as it comes. If I'm depressed one day then so be it. Work a little harder the next day. Accept the sadness and discomfort that the day brings. And strive to do this throughout my life, with my eating (it's okay to order Pizza Hut sometimes) or skipping yoga (not the end of the world).
And one more little bit
To buy less from Amazon. I find myself "Prime-ing" things that I don't need immediately, which just adds to the excessive exploitation that Amazon has created, essentially the Wal-Mart of the Internet. When I can, I'd like to shop locally and avoid Amazon altogether, but when that's not possible, I'll strive to do the slowest method of shipping. It will hopefully help with my extreme impatience, too!
I also want to blog more regularly. I've gotten such great feedback from you guys (thank you!) and I know I'm onto something if I can make it a regular habit. Fear is the culprit yet again but I can't let it hold me back.
Writing this post today was challenging. I tend to like niche things and like to write when I have a perfectly condensed topic to discuss. Perfection gets in the way. Life is messy and I want to be OK with the blog being a little messy so today's post is an attempt at that. I know it's scattered but it's a small price to pay for the authenticity that I strive for and value above all else.
Enough for now. Happy New Year, everyone! Remember to listen to your gut and always take time for yourself.