Sep 06 2017
As of today, I have a little under three weeks left. In the spirit of soaking up all that California has to offer, Seth flew in for the long weekend and we rented an A-frame in the small town of Cazadero. I had never been up that way for any extended period of time and Cazadero seemed perfect – nestled between the redwood forest and the mighty Pacific.
Ever since my drunken episode over my birthday weekend, I've been thinking a lot about the ways I choose to express emotion. My feelings are guarded in a steel box deep inside and the key is somewhere but I can't find it. I've never felt so strongly about the disconnect before and I have a strong desire to connect my waking self to the emotions I only "feel" when I'm blacked out.
The cabin really helped calm my mind. There's something to be said about being amongst the redwood trees. I read recently that redwoods' roots are only about ten feet deep, even though they grow to heights of 300 ft or more. These roots spread out horizontally, connecting with other redwood roots nearby. Redwoods support each other, strong and powerful, connected.
I feel like they supported me, too. I worked remotely during the day but was able to relax and paint at dusk. The cabin had a record player and tons of vintage records from the 60's and 70's, so there was always something playing in the background for Seth and I to sing along to. I caught up on a great new book I found at City Lights called Cool Grey City of Love. It's a collection of 49 short stories about San Francisco, written by a man who has explored every square mile of the city. It's a nice sendoff, even if it makes me feel pangs of regret at times. Once the sun set, we played a round of Trivial Pursuit, which took hours since we both suck – but I ended up winning for the first time in my life, hooray!
For our last night, we packed a picnic dinner and headed to the shores of Furlong Gulch to watch the sun set over the ocean. Words can't describe, but the overall feeling was peace. Peace with my intentional decisions and for the frenzied month ahead.
I wrapped up the long weekend with a whale tour and some general sightseeing in SF with Seth. We had a rental car, which enabled us to explore places that are normally "too far" (aka I'm too lazy) to go to on transit. Twin Peaks was one such place and the view up there is magical. And of course, seeing my beloved bridge from below gave me all sorts of feels. It's the most wonderful, powerful, majestic and mystical bridge in all the world. In my opinion.
I haven't had much time to blog this week with everything going on, but am satisfied to get this recap out there. My grandma gets here later today and I'm super excited for her stay. Stay tuned for more on my disconnected emotions and my stay with Granny (not necessarily in the same post) coming here soon. Thanks for reading.